She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
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One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
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Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.