I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.