He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
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hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
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Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.