Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

dude, osama threatened the US again

(1-847): View more from Illinois

dude. i slept with your sister last night

(847): View more from Illinois

what?

(1-847): View more from Illinois

I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news

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(847): dude, osama threatened the US again (1-847): dude. i slept with your sister last night (847): what? (1-847) I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news http://tfl.nu/r4dc

Replies (26) Good night (5201) Bad night (706)
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(205): View more from Alabama

im getting a BJ in a closet

(205): View more from Alabama

and a penguin just handed me a bong

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(205): im getting a BJ in a closet (205): and a penguin just handed me a bong http://tfl.nu/oarm

Replies (60) Good night (12302) Bad night (820)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.

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(715): My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it. http://tfl.nu/q7ku

Replies (3) Good night (3193) Bad night (954)
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(314): View more from Missouri

You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

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(314): You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night http://tfl.nu/nbdz

Replies (13) Good night (1525) Bad night (4299)
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(917): View more from New York City

No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.

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(917): No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice. http://tfl.nu/ioca

Replies (2) Good night (1743) Bad night (783)
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(817): View more from Texas

You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all

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(817): You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all http://tfl.nu/x3bd

Replies (18) Good night (2807) Bad night (702)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.

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(570): Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid. http://tfl.nu/hx89

Replies (15) Good night (629) Bad night (3336)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?

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(814): I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today? http://tfl.nu/mxod

Replies (5) Good night (1284) Bad night (433)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.

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(321): I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever. http://tfl.nu/o4s7

Replies (3) Good night (717) Bad night (322)
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(773): View more from Illinois

Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.

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(773): Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass. http://tfl.nu/m2gp

Replies (6) Good night (1312) Bad night (499)
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(541): View more from Oregon

Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20

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(541): Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20 http://tfl.nu/r4sg

Replies (4) Good night (1078) Bad night (336)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am

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(720): Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am http://tfl.nu/x5gh

Replies (14) Good night (338) Bad night (1331)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.

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(203): I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe. http://tfl.nu/ze7a

Replies (4) Good night (1093) Bad night (317)
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(707): View more from California

Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.

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(707): Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point. http://tfl.nu/74cc

Replies (1) Good night (622) Bad night (273)
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(214): View more from Texas

Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.

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(214): Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine. http://tfl.nu/1lk9

Replies (3) Good night (528) Bad night (172)

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