M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong