He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The power of my boobs compel you