The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess