Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market

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  (586): I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market http://tfl.nu/4otb
  Replies (1) Good night (864) Bad night (970)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  You weighed it?

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  (817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car? (1-817): You weighed it? http://tfl.nu/lai6
  Replies (37) Good night (22528) Bad night (1676)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  who won?

  (647): View more from Ontario

  THAT is your concern right now?

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  (647): on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest.. (1-647): who won? (647): THAT is your concern right now? http://tfl.nu/f9cv
  Replies (14) Good night (4803) Bad night (811)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I really should sober up and deal with this hangover

  (941): View more from Florida

  It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though

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  (941): I really should sober up and deal with this hangover (941): It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though http://tfl.nu/cygd
  Replies (5) Good night (2127) Bad night (932)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?

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  (630): Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding? http://tfl.nu/gie6
  Replies (15) Good night (1817) Bad night (2518)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.

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  (865): Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing. http://tfl.nu/w2oe
  Replies (2) Good night (2176) Bad night (973)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Ong my arms are moving wo my consent

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  (847): Ong my arms are moving wo my consent http://tfl.nu/lzs5
  Replies (7) Good night (1264) Bad night (616)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.

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  (803): High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice. http://tfl.nu/ko1b
  Replies (3) Good night (1158) Bad night (551)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.

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  (512): Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night. http://tfl.nu/nub3
  Replies (6) Good night (811) Bad night (441)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise

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  (410): I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON (908): Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise http://tfl.nu/ujsf
  Replies (3) Good night (858) Bad night (416)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.

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  (901): Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/r0ud
  Replies (11) Good night (1679) Bad night (390)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT

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  (651): SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT http://tfl.nu/4s8g
  Replies (2) Good night (582) Bad night (298)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.

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  (469): He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am. http://tfl.nu/tu7g
  Replies (1) Good night (825) Bad night (275)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.

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  (+44): I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff. http://tfl.nu/4dhc
  Replies (3) Good night (523) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.

  (1914): View more from

  You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.

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  (914): I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her. (1914): You were drinking with me last night, I warned you. http://tfl.nu/yyj1
  Replies (1) Good night (576) Bad night (220)

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