woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?