UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just want to make out with him forever
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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