Texts From Last Night

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you

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  (678): Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you http://tfl.nu/rkl4
  Replies (5) Good night (643) Bad night (2982)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends

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  (905): dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends http://tfl.nu/gaeo
  Replies (16) Good night (1294) Bad night (3159)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises

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  (407): I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises http://tfl.nu/5v7b
  Replies (8) Good night (2815) Bad night (683)
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  (916): View more from California

  Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?

  (760): View more from California

  You are my hero

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  (916): Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI? (760): You are my hero http://tfl.nu/9mtt
  Replies (36) Good night (7277) Bad night (1130)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.

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  (780): there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute. http://tfl.nu/rxgr
  Replies (13) Good night (4038) Bad night (1222)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.

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  (612): Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now. http://tfl.nu/y7cf
  Replies (35) Good night (4139) Bad night (1713)
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  (415): View more from California

  I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground

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  (415): I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground http://tfl.nu/kjbx
  Replies (7) Good night (3142) Bad night (898)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.

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  (910): A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work. http://tfl.nu/czmo
  Replies (7) Good night (3623) Bad night (816)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."

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  (401): Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it." http://tfl.nu/3dma
  Replies (5) Good night (1848) Bad night (970)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog

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  (570): Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog http://tfl.nu/bwn1
  Replies (10) Good night (537) Bad night (1532)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!

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  (713): just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success! http://tfl.nu/u8oi
  Replies (4) Good night (1343) Bad night (550)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.

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  (715): Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration. http://tfl.nu/envu
  Replies (4) Good night (1330) Bad night (436)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...

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  (303): We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes... http://tfl.nu/lait
  Replies (6) Good night (507) Bad night (1337)
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  (631): View more from New York

  You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.

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  (631): You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high. http://tfl.nu/qikm
  Replies (2) Good night (1086) Bad night (389)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?

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  (813): So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance? http://tfl.nu/tosl
  Replies (3) Good night (614) Bad night (370)

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