I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
