Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
