I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Let the clothes fall where they may.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
