Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
