im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Randomize
