Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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