Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
