Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
