i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
