I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
