Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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