I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
