she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
