last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
