dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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