Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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