Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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