And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's blow job season.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
