I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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