Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
