Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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