That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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