New invention idea: vibrating tampons
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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