I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
