You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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