That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
