i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
