Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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