i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What a dumb baby whore.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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