Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
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Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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