The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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