I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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