Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
