quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
