he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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