There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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