im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
