so that wasnt chicken after all
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
