His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
