Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
