Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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