toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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