The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
