definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
