The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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