i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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