I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
