Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just pee around me
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
