I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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