My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
