obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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