do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
