The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
