the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
