eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
