i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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