did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
