every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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