At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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