i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude