apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick