Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up