they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom