College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge