omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
