All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
