I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
