I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
