Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
