just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
