I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
